NOTE: NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE IDENTITY OF THE INDIVIDUALS MENTIONED IN THIS STORY.
this is a picture of my friend gwendolyn (left) and i. gwendolyn is one of my oldest friends. like me, gwenny enjoys the finer things in life but, unfortunately, loses all self control in the presence of food.
last week, after a 6 month vacation from one another (gwendolyn was in south america doin’ her thang), we decided to finally reunite over some aroma. obvs.
wow, that was obnoxious…
anyway, despite her recent detox from cheese, gwendolyn relapsed and had the halumi sanwich, which is just a fancy shmancy middle eastern cheese sandwich.
i thought we worked so hard gwenny…so hard. you’ve changed.
well, i didn’t get to try gwendolyn’s sandwich, because she would have snarled and bared her teeth at me if i asked (and of course i would have done the same – don’t you see why we’re friends?). by the time we had both ended the whirlwind which was the consumption of our meals, we both gave each other the same distressed look: the “would you judge me if i undid my pants right now?”.
no gwendolyn, i wouldn’t.
i assumed she telepathically said the same, but because we were in a public place, we endured the confinement that were our jeans.
it was this pivotal moment that sparked a glorious, splendiferous idea. family dinners, holiday meals, or just a causal coffee downtown with a friend often result in severe overeating. this act of violence leaves the individual feeling achy, fatigued and as if a single breath would make their pants button fly off.
but what on earth could be the cure?
obviously not eating as much was not an option, and wearing sweatpants isn’t even questionable. i suggested gwendolyn buy pregnancy jeans. this only resulted in a look which i hope to never see again.
it was determined that someone needed to design holiday meal-friendly pants. ya know, for those nicer dinners where stretchy pants just don’t make the cut.
and thus, turkey pants were born.
coming to you passover 2010.
NOTE: technically the title of this post translates to “chicken pants,” but I just thought it sounded better.